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Movie Jail “Relay Race”

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Hey folks, hope you all had a great Easter weekend. I took some time away from the blog and I’m back and raring to go. Lets start with my entry into a blogathon currently doing the rounds. My good friend Sir Phobos from Knights of Mars Roundtable kindly chose to make me do some work for him, so let’s do this!

The Movie Jail Relay Race was started by Nostra from My Filmviews & Terrence from The Focused Filmographer. The official rules are as such:

”It’s time to put some movie people in jail. The object is to give a prosecutor’s argument as to why these movie people belong in “Movie Jail” whether it be for violating the integrity of the content source of one their films, or being a sell-out, just making bad movies overall, getting worse as time goes on or not being in a good movie for many years. The baton will be passed to another blogger who will have to do the following:

In order to free someone from Movie Jail they have to do 2 things

1 – Give a defense attorney argument defending the plaintiff

2 – Pay bail: the cost of which is another case for the court and a prosecutor’s argument against the actor/director of their choice that will replace the one set free.

There must always be 10 people in Movie Jail.”

The current inmates:

Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Raja Gosnell

Katherine Heigl

Shia Labeouf

Kristen Stewart

Jennifer Lopez

Damon Lindelof

Rueben Fleischer

Bruce Willis

Paul W.S. Anderson

The Participants (so far):

1. My Filmviews / The Focused Filmographer

2. Cinematic Corner

3. And So It Begins…

4. Surrender to the Void

5. Cinematic Paradox

6. The Cinematic Spectacle

7. Being Norma Jean

8. Defiant Success

9. …let’s be splendid about this

10. Lime Reviews and Strawberry Confessions

11. Aziza’s Picks

12. Flixchatter

13. i luv cinema

14. Public Transportation Snob

15. The Warning Sign

16. 3 Guys 1 Movie

17. Cutting Edge Creativity

18. BLANK PAGE BEATDOWN

19. Morally Oblogatory

20. Knights of Mars Roundtable

21. Head In A Vice

Now, for my first job, I will successfully defend my client BRUCE WILLIS.

I mean, what the hell is wrong with the world? Why is he on this list? He has given the world John McClane!!!! Imagine if you can a world without Die Hard……horrifying isn’t it. Five times on the big screen, McClane may be getting older but still, DIE HARD!!!! Throw in some great, memorable performances in films such as Pulp Fiction, Twelve Monkeys, The Fifth Element, Armageddon, The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Sin City, Planet Terror, The Expendables 1 & 2, Moonrise Kingdom, & Looper. And did I mention the 5 Die Hard movies!! OK, so they may decline in quality with each film, but for the original alone he does not deserve to be put behind these bars.

Since I’m breaking Bruce out, I need to replace him. This was easy. James Spader.

p4t7L

Regular readers of my site may have seen me direct my anger towards him on a few previous occasions. I just don’t like the man, and find him horrible to watch. The last time I had a rant about him, the leader of his official fan club/cult bombarded me with hate mail. Lets get round 2 on then dipshit! 😉 Why Spader? Well, three reasons really. He appeared in Stargate which was the first movie I was thrown out of. He joined and ruined (along with Catherine Tate) The Office, but most importantly I hate him because he won the Emmy in 2007 for some shitty show he did, ahead of James Gandolfini aka Tony Soprano. This was an outrageous decision, and for whatever reason Spader always results in bad times for me, so I’m sticking the guy in jail. Hopefully he doesnt get out and annoy me any more than he already has.

Now that my duty is finished, I pass the Movie Jail Relay Race baton to Mike from MikesFilmTalk. Over to you mate 🙂

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63 Comments

  1. Good choice mate, and I would definitely have defended Willis as well!

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  2. GaryLee828

     /  April 3, 2013

    Bruce Willis also gave us “The Last Boyscout” which was one of the best action films of the 90’s!

    I did agree Bruce should be the first to get out, but there are so many others much more deserving to have their freedom revoked other than James Spader simply b/c he isn’t your cup of tea. It’s not his fault “The Office” started sucking so bad; that’s on the shotty writers! He could have been a great character on there had the writing been stronger. He did a great job on “Lincoln” and in most other projects he’s acted on.

    I could name other candidates to put in jail in place of Spader, but I am thinking the rules is for Mike right now, so will keep my opinions to myself for now until I get a turn. 🙂

    When it’s my turn I’m going to put you and Mike both in jail for not watching “The Hidden Face”! 🙂

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    • I loved Last Boy Scout too!!!

      Nope, you are wrong. In your opinion there may be more deserving people, but in my opinion there are none!! The Office is still good. I’m going to put you in jail next time for harassing the whole world about this made up film Hidden Face 😉

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      • GaryLee828

         /  April 4, 2013

        What do you mean made up film? I sent it to you. And there are pics from my blog entry. No, it exists I assure you – and they’ve already doing a remake in India. I’m not planning on watching that, though.

        If anyone deserves jail from “The Office” it’s Steve Carrell for leaving to do crappy movies like Burt Wonderstone; i was expecting some quality movies, but they all look like duds. He could have stayed on The Office and continued to make lame movies.

        Stephenie Myers is another candidate to go to jail for that crappy Twilight drivel she tried to force on the world.

        Much more deserving to be locked up than James Spader. I agree he wasn’t good on “The Office”, but let’s not forget that the show had been steadily declining shortly after some of the writers left for “Rec & Parks” and way before Carrell left – and looking at Spader’s resume he hasn’t turned in any other bad performances which says to me it’s the writing that’s so bad much more than the actor’s performance. If he had been given strong writing I guarantee you he would have pulled it off, but what’s an actor to do when given crap material to work with? Was “A Righteous Kill” crappy b/c Pacino & De Niro turned in poor performances or did the script suck? lol. What were they to do?

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        • LOL – Im pretty sure you made the movie! 🙂 I will watch it I promise!

          Carrell is nothing but gold, I love that man. I dont care how much you argue you wont change my mind, Spader sucks! 😛

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  3. Good choice. I would have defended Willis as well. Never been a James Spader fan and I also still hold a grudge against him for beating James Gandolfini for the Emmy.

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  4. Nobody, but NOBODY jails the icon that is Bruce Willis!!! Great choice mate, I mean Spader?? He belongs on the list! 😀

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  5. What a fantastic little challenge! I shall look forward to seeing this one develop! I have to say though, James Spader, really? Come on, he plays the seedy characters so well! Honestly. Crash, Sex, Lies and Videotapes, The Secretary, Mannequin…! LOL! But I do get where you’re coming from to an extent. lol.

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  6. Abbi

     /  April 3, 2013

    Thank god you didn’t choose Katherine Heigl. She needs to be shot for crimes against relationships.

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  7. How Bruce Willis got on a list including Kristen Stewart and Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer is quite puzzling indeed.

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    • Indeed. A less lazy man could have looked through the other 20 people and found the culprit, then bombarded them. But I’m not that man 😉

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  8. I was scrolling down the list of movie ‘prisoners’, thinking to myself, okay, this is a good list. And then Bruce Willis showed up, and I was like: WHAT THE CRAP IS BRUCE FREAKING WLLIS DOING THERE!! WHAT HAS THIS WOULD COME TOO!!!
    I’m glad you defended him Tyson, now I don’t have to unfollow you. 😉 Spader can go to prison forever if he wants, as long as Willis gets to “Yippee-ki–yay” his way out of there. 😀

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    • I know, crazy right!?! Made my decision easy though. Glad I dont lose you as a reader too! 😉

      I hope Spader rots in there! The starvation thing will help his fat face 🙂

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  9. Good call Tyson! There’s no way in hell that Bruce deserves to be in movie jail. Well fought battle!

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  10. Wordschat

     /  April 3, 2013

    I’ve been hard on Bruce lately for Die Hard 5 Die trying for a Script. However he can take and always comes back better. I didn’t even recognize Spader in Lincoln. Is that good or bad? You can decide Tyson 🙂

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  11. theipc

     /  April 3, 2013

    Nice post, Captain. There’s some people you just don’t like… for me that’s Leguizamo, Dane Cook and Spader. He SUX.

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  12. Wow, I disagree so much with that post. I’ll agree that Tate ruined the Office, however Spader was the only reason I watched 8th season.

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    • The whole post? Even taking out Willis?

      You know, when Spader was in the interview stage on The Office, I actually thought he was ok. But as a regular character he didnt work. But you’re allowed to disagree Sati, I always appreciate you stopping by 🙂

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    • Nah, taking out Willis is good, I’ll always like him for Pulp Fiction 🙂

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      • For sure, I love him in most films, Pulp Fiction is just incredible though.

        Just the Spader stuff then……I apologise but in no way regret my choice 😉

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  13. Hah, nice to see this blogathon still going. Hard to believe Bruce Willis got lumped in with that motley crew. Easy call to take him out.

    Good pick with Spader! He wouldn’t have crossed my mind, but yeah, his run in The Office was terrible. Glad he didn’t stay long on that show.

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    • I know, very easy choice for me.

      I weirdly actually thought he was funny when he did the initial interview episode. But as a regular he was an awful character. Cheers Eric 🙂

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  14. I like your freeing of Willis that is a no brainer. However, Spader’s performance in Pretty in PInk and Secretary will always be special to me. 😉

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  15. Thanks for joining. I wouldn’t have put Willis in jail either although lately he has been doing some lazy cash in roles. Interesting choice for the new inmate.

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  16. This is bound to get interesting.

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  17. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.

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  18. Cool post. Great call on saving Willis!

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  19. Hahahahaaa, Mike passed the baton to me and someone commented on mine and asked why Spader was in jail and I said, “I’m not sure but I bet it’s because of Tyty!” *giggles* Also Catherine Tate ROCKS MY SOCKS. I didn’t see her on The Office but I ❤ her in everything else I've seen her in.
    Good call on Willis – why on earth was he in there?

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    • LOL – damn Spader!!! I cant stand Tate either, maybe you didnt have to suffer her awful UK tv show! 🙂

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      • Her sketch show?? “Am I bovvered?” *giggles* Um, yeah, that show is (or was) on Netflix streaming and I watched it. I’m about to download her and David Tennant in a version they did of “Much Ado About Nothing” *squee!!!!*

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  20. Great choice! I would have defended Willis too.

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  21. Ha! That would be me that put Bruce in jail! I agree that he has a calibre resume. I loved 12 monkeys, the last boy scout, the die hard trilogy and so much more. I guess you didn’t read my post because you even mention the sole reason why I put him in there to begin with. “… did I mention the 5 Die Hard movies!! OK, so they may decline in quality with each film…” In short, my main reason for throwing him in the slammer was what he did to his most iconic character, John McClane. I wish you read my post. I didn’t expect Bruce to last long but I did have valid reason to lock him up – A Good Day to Die Hard.

    Please take the time to check out my post – https://morallyoblogatory.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/blogathon-movie-jail-relay-race/

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    • I didnt find out who put him in there! As I mentioned, there were 20 people before me and I didnt have time to track down the mentalist who did it 😉

      I will read your post, but everyone agrees with my decision to remove him 🙂

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    • Well, everyone agreed with me putting him in 😉

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      • Nah, only a couple of people. Fools. Majority rules 🙂 your link here doesn’t work, but your twitter one did. Ill reply over there in a little bit.

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  22. I knew Bruce would get out eventually. I agree with Darryl that the last Die Hard movie was awful, so he deserved it for that. I’m happy with him cooling his heels in the slammer for a short time and being let off with a warning in the future.

    I don’t think the Die Hard movies are successively worse, though. My order, best to worst: 1, 3, 4, 2, 5.

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    • I haven’t seen part 5, but still Bruce is not getting locked up on my watch. 4 was too ridiculous but still good fun 🙂

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    • Just about as ridiculous as Willis being shot out of an airplane cockpit as it explodes under him, right? (I love the end of 2, though)

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    • That’s my least favorite scene in the movie. I even think the jet stuff at the end is more realistic. But I love the feel of 4. Very paranoid, post 9/11 atmosphere.

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  23. Haha, good job on freeing Bruce Willis! I would have done the same thing. I’ve only ever seen Spader in The Office and I didn’t like him in that and then he was just okay for me in Lincoln… I hope no one frees him 😀

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  1. Movie Jail Relay Race
  2. Movie Jail Relay Race. | The Vern's Video Vortex.

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